A haunting exploration of inner turmoil and the struggle of living with overwhelming emotions while maintaining a facade. This song encapsulates the experience of navigating a complex homoerotic friendship, battling mental health issues, and the quest for self-discovery amidst a backdrop of academic pressure and familial absence.
Verse 1:
I wear a smile like a mask,
Hiding all my fraying seams.
High-functioning and trembling,
In a world of fractured dreams.
Pre-Chorus:
You say I'm fine, I just laugh,
But inside I’m barely here.
Drowning in my feelings,
Can’t you see I’m gripped by fear?
Chorus:
I’m too close, but not enough,
A friendship wrapped in threads of love,
More than friends but less than lovers,
In this haze, we’re struggling, just trying to uncover.
Verse 2:
You light the dark with laughter,
But my heart's a restless sea,
Every touch is riddled with questions,
In your gaze, I lose my peace.
Pre-Chorus:
I study minds to heal my own,
A refuge in these pages known,
Adderall and smoke hold my hand,
While the weight of life drags me to sand.
Chorus:
I’m too close, but not enough,
A friendship wrapped in threads of love,
More than friends but less than lovers,
In this haze, we’re struggling, just trying to uncover.
Bridge:
Thrown away from home, I roam,
Searching for the pieces alone,
Pets lost to the past that I breathe,
Wish you could come and see me grieve.
Verse 3:
Emotionally wilted like flowers,
No guidance through these daunting hours,
Peers move forward with a steady pace,
While I’m figuring life out, stuck in place.
Chorus:
I’m too close, but not enough,
A friendship wrapped in threads of love,
More than friends but less than lovers,
In this haze, we’re struggling, just trying to uncover.
Outro:
So I tell myself it’ll be okay,
But the currents pull me further away,
In this fine illusion, I’m lost at sea,
Drowning in clarity, will you save me?
Chords not available
Beat not available
The feeling of drowning in your own feelings and nobody seems to notice because you are high-functioning and mask everything so you appear fine but in reality you are struggling to get by. Being in a homoerotic friendship with someone that you live with consumes you as an individual with borderline personality disorder; the feeling of being too close, but not close enough, more than friends, less than lovers, and a depression and obsession that completely consumes your mind. A lot of self-discovery pertaining to sexuality. Studying psychology because you can't afford therapy, a self-healing journey, the overuse of adderall and marijuana in order to get by school with a learning disability. Not having emotionally available parents to guide you through certain things in life having to figure it all out by urself as a young girl while watching all your peers get adequate support. The only person that understands you and been consistent in your life is your hometown best friend that you had to move away from for school, pet loss on this journey. Overly self-aware to the point that it consumes you because you know what you have to do you just can't do it, so you just keep telling yourself that it will all be okay eventually.
Adrianne Lenker, Billie Eilish, Finneas O'Connell, Phoebe Bridgers, Big Theif