A hilarious pop ballad where Dracula recounts his disastrous first experience with pizza at Applebee’s. With dark humor and vulgarity, he sings about the fiery fate of his mouth, all while embodying the classic theatrical flair that brings Broadway to life! Join Dracula as he laments his ghoulish mistake and embraces his eternal love for blood—but not for pizza.
Verse 1:
At Applebee’s I sat, just me and my fate,
The waiter looked at me, said, "Pizza's first-rate!"
"With crust so divine, it'll make your heart race,
Give it a try, it’ll put a smile on your face!"
Chorus 1:
Ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!
It's hotter than hell, it's a real fucking heater!
Goddamn the pepperoni, it’s a molten defeat,
I've tasted many things, but this one’s a cheat!
Verse 2:
The cheese melted slowly, oh, what a sight,
It shimmered and glimmered, a siren of night.
I thought to myself, “How could this be bad?
So tempting and wondrous, I just had to grab!”
Chorus 2:
But the pizza hadn’t cooled down, oh, what a mistake,
I plunged into the lava, for goodness' sake!
Ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!
My tongue’s in a frenzy, the pain’s a true bleeder!
Bridge:
I've eaten the worms of the graveyard estate,
Feasted on shadows, oh, I can’t relate!
Fried bats in a skillet and blood in a cup,
But nothing prepared me for this fiery sup!
Chorus 3:
Ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!
A true culinary demon, oh, it’s a real teaser!
My mouth and my tongue, they’re still blazing like fire,
Who knew a damn slice could take me so much higher?
Coda:
After living for hundreds and hundreds of years,
Who’d think those Italians would bring me to tears?
I said hold the garlic - I can’t stand that shit,
The sauce was pure hellfire, like lava in my throat, it bit!
So I swear on my coffin, never again will I eat-a,
I’ve learned my damn lesson, pizza’s a real neat-a!
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Broadway song called “I Burned My Mouth on Pizza" - a minor key pop ballad sung by Dracula in the musical DRACULA. The song is a parody power ballad sung seriously. He visits Applebee’s and decides to try pizza for the first time, recounting this horrible tale. The lyrics should have lots of vulgar phrases and swearing. It should have the lines “ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!” and “goddamn the pepperoni” and “I said hold the garlic - I can’t stand that shit” and “the sauce was pure hellfire, like lava in my throat” and “molten cheese” and in coda “After living for hundreds and hundreds of years, Who’d think those Italians would bring me to tears?" Come up with different hilarious rhymes every time for “pizza” like “beats ya” and “defeats ya”. The song structure should be: verse 1 (about ordering at Applebee’s as waiter suggested), chorus 1 (about the first bite and pain), verse 2 (about how wonderful and tempting the pizza still looked), chorus 2 (how the pizza hadn’t cooled down and burned again), bridge (about all the things he has eaten), chorus 3 (about how his mouth and tongue are still burned), coda (about the lesson learned never eating it again). Dracula sings with ancient accent and doesn’t know modern English.