A hilarious and darkly comedic ballad performed by Dracula in the musical DRACULA, 'I Burned My Mouth on Pizza' recounts the horrifying tale of one vampire's first experience with pizza at Applebee’s. In this power ballad parody, Dracula brings his ancient charm and comedic timing to tell a tale of mouth-watering temptation gone horribly wrong, filled with colorful language and outrageous rhymes. It's a tale as old as time, reimagined with modern pizza tragedy!
(Verse 1)
In the dim light of Applebee's, I sit in despair,
The waiter suggests pizza, with a casual flair.
"What is this pie, you doth recommend?"
"In the name of the night, I'll give it a send!"
(Chorus 1)
Ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!
Like a vampire in hell, it sure does defeat ya!
One bite, oh, the pain, it hit me like a curse,
Goddamn the pepperoni, my taste buds immersed!
(Verse 2)
Behold the temptation, it looked like a dream,
So gooey and golden, or so it did seem.
In all of its glory, tempted by the feast,
But little did I know, I’d soon scream like a beast!
(Chorus 2)
Ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!
The molten cheese stickin' like a nightmare tease ya!
The sauce was pure hellfire, like lava in my throat,
I tried to enjoy but it began to gloat!
(Bridge)
In my centuries of feasting, from blood to fine wine,
I've dined on the rarest; oh, how they did shine!
From the flesh of the living to the sweets of the night,
But this pie from Italia, just ain't worth the bite!
(Chorus 3)
Ooh, I burned my tongue on pizza!
Still like dragon's breath, it scorches, and it eats ya!
My mouth is ablaze, with this fiery spell,
When it comes to pizza, I bid thee farewell!
(Coda)
After living for hundreds and hundreds of years,
Who’d think those Italians would bring me to tears?
So I’ll haunt my dark castle, with wisdom in hand,
Vowing never again, to eat this foreign brand!
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Broadway song called “I Burned My Mouth on Pizza" - a minor key pop ballad sung by Dracula in the musical DRACULA. The song is a parody power ballad sung seriously. He visits Applebee’s and decides to try pizza for the first time, recounting this horrible tale. The lyrics should have lots of vulgar phrases and swearing. It should have the lines “ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!” and “goddamn the pepperoni” and “I said hold the garlic - I can’t stand that shit” and “the sauce was pure hellfire, like lava in my throat” and “molten cheese” and in coda “After living for hundreds and hundreds of years, Who’d think those Italians would bring me to tears?" Come up with different hilarious rhymes every time for “pizza” like “beats ya” and “defeats ya”. The song structure should be: verse 1 (about ordering at Applebee’s as waiter suggested), chorus 1 (about the first bite and pain), verse 2 (about how wonderful and tempting the pizza still looked), chorus 2 (how the pizza hadn’t cooled down and burned again), bridge (about all the things he has eaten), chorus 3 (about how his mouth and tongue are still burned), coda (about the lesson learned never eating it again). Dracula sings with ancient accent and doesn’t know modern English.
Mel Brooks