In this humorous pop ballad from the musical DRACULA, the infamous vampire recounts a disastrous culinary experience at Applebee's. With an ancient accent, Dracula candidly shares the painful repercussions of trying pizza for the first time, using vulgar phrases and hilarious imagery that critique the Italian dish he didn’t expect. The song showcases both his love for food and his aversion to anything garlic-infused, all while delivering a catchy parody that resonates with audiences.
Verse 1:
To Applebee’s I wander, my thirst for a feast,
The waiter recommends it, with toppings, a beast.
I summon my courage, say 'bring me the pizza',
But oh, little did I know, it would surely defeat ya.
Chorus 1:
Ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!
A molten nightmare, it sure did tease ya.
Goddamn the pepperoni, it scorched my soul,
Like a vampire caught in a fiery hole.
Tears in my eyes, I could hardly speak,
Verse 2:
The sight was so tempting, so charmed by the heat,
That golden brown crust, it looked like pure sweet.
Came topped with delight, looked a devilish creature,
Yet little I knew, it would burn like a preacher.
Chorus 2:
Ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!
That cheesy lament, no one could appease ya.
I said hold the garlic - I can’t stand that shit,
The sauce was pure hellfire, oh, what a hit.
I tried to ignore but my tongue met defeat,
Bridge:
Oh, I’ve dined on the flesh of many a being,
From blood of pure mortals to all that I’m seeing.
But never, not once, did I face such a plight,
As this crispy disaster of culinary fright.
Chorus 3:
Ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!
It’s a memory now that simply won’t lease ya.
With every bite taken, my mouth crying foul,
My taste buds are screaming, while I’m left in growls.
Oh, the pain and the shame, in my chest it does sting,
Coda:
After living for hundreds and hundreds of years,
Who’d think those Italians would bring me to tears?
This lesson I’ll carry, oh, never again,
For in my dark heart, pizza's my bane.
Chords not available
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Broadway song called “I Burned My Mouth on Pizza" - a minor key pop ballad sung by Dracula in the musical DRACULA. The song is a parody power ballad sung seriously. He visits Applebee’s and decides to try pizza for the first time, recounting this horrible tale. The lyrics should have lots of vulgar phrases and swearing. It should have the lines “ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!” and “goddamn the pepperoni” and “I said hold the garlic - I can’t stand that shit” and “the sauce was pure hellfire, like lava in my throat” and “molten cheese” and in coda “After living for hundreds and hundreds of years, Who’d think those Italians would bring me to tears?" Come up with different rhymes every time for “pizza” like “beats ya” and “defeats ya”. The song structure should be: verse 1 (about ordering at Applebee’s as waiter suggested), chorus 1 (about the first bite and pain), verse 2 (about how wonderful and tempting the pizza still looked), chorus 2 (how the pizza hadn’t cooled down and burned again), bridge (about all the things he has eaten), chorus 3 (about how his mouth and tongue are still burned), coda (about the lesson learned never eating it again). Dracula sings with ancient accent and doesn’t know modern English. The last lines should be on how the experience changed him. The rhyme scheme for the verses should be ABAB. The rhyme scheme for the choruses should be AABBA.