In this hilarious minor key pop ballad from the musical DRACULA, the iconic vampire recounts his comedic misadventure at Applebee's as he tries pizza for the first time. With a serious tone, Dracula shares the fiery tale of culinary disaster, complete with vulgar phrases and witty rhymes that make this parody power ballad a must-listen.
Verse 1:
In dark of night at Applebee's, I did arrive,
The waiter grinned, said, "Try this pie, it’s sure to jive."
I looked upon this round delight, a work of art,
But little did I know it’d soon break my heart.
Chorus 1:
Ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!
Oh hell, those molten beats ya!
A bite turned into a blasted hell,
Goddamn the pepperoni, can’t you tell?
Verse 2:
The cheese so golden, a sight to see,
With toppings stacked high, a feast for me.
But as I stared at this cheesy beast,
I knew I should’ve asked for a priest.
Chorus 2:
Ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!
Damn it all, it truly defeats ya!
Each slice was hot as a dragon’s fire,
The sauce was pure hellfire, like lava in my throat dire.
Bridge:
I’ve dined on blood, I’ve nibbled on sin,
From ancient feasts to the treasures within.
But never in a century, never in my life,
Did I face this devil, oh what a strife!
Chorus 3:
Ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!
My tongue’s still scorched, oh why’d I greet ya?
A meal for the brave, not meant for the damned,
This vampire’s taste buds will never understand.
Coda:
After living for hundreds and hundreds of years,
Who’d think those Italians would bring me to tears?
No more pizza, I swear, never will I dine,
This burning lesson in my throat, a true design.
Chords not available
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Broadway song called “I Burned My Mouth on Pizza" - a minor key pop ballad sung by Dracula in the musical DRACULA. The song is a parody power ballad sung seriously. He visits Applebee’s and decides to try pizza for the first time, recounting this horrible tale. The lyrics should have lots of vulgar phrases and swearing. It should have the lines “ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!” and “goddamn the pepperoni” and “I said hold the garlic - I can’t stand that shit” and “the sauce was pure hellfire, like lava in my throat” and “molten cheese” and in coda “After living for hundreds and hundreds of years, Who’d think those Italians would bring me to tears?" Come up with different rhymes every time for “pizza” like “beats ya” and “defeats ya”. The song structure should be: verse 1 (about ordering at Applebee’s as waiter suggested), chorus 1 (about the first bite and pain), verse 2 (about how wonderful and tempting the pizza still looked), chorus 2 (how the pizza hadn’t cooled down and burned again), bridge (about all the things he has eaten), chorus 3 (about how his mouth and tongue are still burned), coda (about the lesson learned never eating it again). Dracula sings with ancient accent and doesn’t know modern English. The last lines should be on how the experience changed him. The rhyme scheme for the verses should be ABAB. The rhyme scheme for the choruses should be AABB.
Barbra Streisand