Join Dracula on this hilarious journey through culinary misfortune in the parody ballad 'I Burned My Mouth on Pizza.' Experience the dramatic retelling of a vampire's first pizza encounter at Applebee's, filled with humor, regret, and a whole lot of vulgarity. This minor-key spectacle, sung with heartfelt seriousness, captures the dark comedy of a timeless creature facing the fiery consequences of a culinary adventure gone wrong.
Verse 1:
In Applebee’s I was feeling bold,
The waiter grinned, my fate was told.
‘Try the pizza,’ he said with a gleam,
But little did I know, it wasn’t a dream.
Chorus 1:
Ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!
T’was a foe that surely beats ya.
Goddamn the pepperoni, hot and mean,
Burned like hell, it was a devilish scene.
Verse 2:
Oh, that pie looked fucking divine,
A symphony of cheese, oh how it did shine!
Tempting colors, I took a seat,
But the crust was a monster, a terrible treat.
Chorus 2:
Ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!
That molten cheese, it won’t defeat ya.
I said hold the garlic - I can’t stand that shit,
But when it arrived, I wasn’t prepared for it.
Bridge:
I've dined on blood and a stake of beast,
From ghoulish feasts to the darkest feast.
Yet this humble dish brought me to my knees,
A vampire undone, oh sweet agony's tease.
Chorus 3:
Ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!
My tongue feels scorched like a fiery visa.
The sauce was pure hellfire, like lava in my throat,
Each bite a defeat, like a sinking boat.
Coda:
After living for hundreds and hundreds of years,
Who’d think those Italians would bring me to tears?
Never again shall I tempt that sin,
For pizza’s a monster I shan’t let in.
Chords not available
Beat not available
Broadway song called “I Burned My Mouth on Pizza" - a minor key pop ballad sung by Dracula in the musical DRACULA. The song is a parody power ballad sung seriously. He visits Applebee’s and decides to try pizza for the first time, recounting this horrible tale. The lyrics should have lots of vulgar phrases and swearing. It should have the lines “ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!” and “goddamn the pepperoni” and “I said hold the garlic - I can’t stand that shit” and “the sauce was pure hellfire, like lava in my throat” and “molten cheese” and in coda “After living for hundreds and hundreds of years, Who’d think those Italians would bring me to tears?" Come up with different rhymes every time for “pizza” like “beats ya” and “defeats ya”. The song structure should be: verse 1 (about ordering at Applebee’s as waiter suggested), chorus 1 (about the first bite and pain), verse 2 (about how wonderful and tempting the pizza still looked), chorus 2 (how the pizza hadn’t cooled down and burned again), bridge (about all the things he has eaten), chorus 3 (about how his mouth and tongue are still burned), coda (about the lesson learned never eating it again). Dracula sings with ancient accent and doesn’t know modern English. The last lines should be on how the experience changed him. The rhyme scheme for the verse should be ABAB. The rhyme scheme for the chorus should be AABB.