A hilarious and hauntingly heartfelt parody power ballad from the musical DRACULA, 'I Burned My Mouth on Pizza' has Dracula sharing an unforgettable experience at Applebee's. This minor key pop ballad captures his poetic agony after trying pizza for the very first time, combining dark humor and relatable pain with ironic flair.
Verse 1:
Oh, I flew to Applebee’s, dark cape in the air,
The waiter said 'pizza,' with a devilish grin,
'You must try it, my lord, it’s a taste beyond compare,'
I nodded with hunger, little knowing my sin.
Chorus 1:
Ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!
The first bite? Hell, it was a tease-a!
Goddamn the pepperoni, it was a cruel plight,
I winced, I screamed, in that glorious light.
Verse 2:
The cheese looked like gold, oh, so shiny and bright,
Sizzling and bubbling, enchanting my view,
I thought to myself, 'What a marvelous sight!'
But the thought of that flavor, a grave miscue.
Chorus 2:
But the molten cheese, it hadn’t cooled down,
I took another slice, I should’ve known better,
Ooh, it scorched my lips, that wretched crown,
It burned like a furnace, that pizza begetter.
Bridge:
From blood of the night to a feast of the rare,
I’ve tasted the finest, from fangs to the heart,
But nothing prepared me for that fiery flare,
This pizza was a demon, a beast in the art.
Chorus 3:
My mouth is a warzone; oh, it’s still sore,
The tongue like a battlefield, scorched to the core,
Damn that fiery sauce, it brought me such strife,
Who knew a damn meal could threaten my life?
Coda:
After living for hundreds and hundreds of years,
Who’d think those Italians would bring me to tears?
Never again will that foul dish betide,
For my heart may be everlasting, but my taste buds have died.
Chords not available
Beat not available
Broadway song called “I Burned My Mouth on Pizza" - a minor key pop ballad sung by Dracula in the musical DRACULA. The song is a parody power ballad sung seriously. He visits Applebee’s and decides to try pizza for the first time, recounting this horrible tale. The lyrics should have lots of vulgar phrases and swearing. It should have the lines “ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!” and “goddamn the pepperoni” and “I said hold the garlic - I can’t stand that shit” and “the sauce was pure hellfire, like lava in my throat” and “molten cheese” and in coda “After living for hundreds and hundreds of years, Who’d think those Italians would bring me to tears?" Come up with different rhymes every time for “pizza” like “beats ya” and “defeats ya”. The song structure should be: verse 1 (about ordering at Applebee’s as waiter suggested), chorus 1 (about the first bite and pain), verse 2 (about how wonderful and tempting the pizza still looked), chorus 2 (how the pizza hadn’t cooled down and burned again), bridge (about all the things he has eaten), chorus 3 (about how his mouth and tongue are still burned), coda (about the lesson learned never eating it again). Don’t repeat lines. Dracula sings with ancient accent and doesn’t know modern English. The last lines should be on how the experience changed him. The rhyme scheme for the verse should be ABAB. The rhyme scheme for the chorus should be AABB.
Elton John