A hauntingly humorous power ballad sung by Dracula recounting his disastrous first experience with pizza at Applebee's. This parody tackles the complexities of culinary choices with vulgar flair, blending horror and comedy in a minor key pop ballad.
Verse 1:
In the dim light of Applebee's, my fangs were gleaming bright,
The waiter grinned, 'Try the pizza! It's a culinary delight.'
With a flick of my wrist, I said 'What is this treat?'
He smirked and brought it forth, my cravings it would meet.
Chorus 1:
Ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!
Oh, goddess of the oven, it defeats ya!
The first bite an inferno, such a shocked sensation,
I cursed the damned pepperoni, a fiery laceration.
Verse 2:
The pizza spoke for itself, tantalizing and true,
Golden crust and bubbling cheese, it beckoned with its view.
I thought, 'What could go wrong? It's a slice of bliss!'
But oh, little did I know, that I’d end up in abyss.
Chorus 2:
Ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!
That molten cheese just wouldn’t ease ya!
Each bite was a gamble, too hot to defend,
The sauce was pure hellfire, like lava in my throat, my friend.
Bridge:
I’ve dined on the finest, from peasants to kings,
But this culinary disaster? It made my heart sing.
From blood to fine wines, many flavors did I crave,
But pizza has defeated me, left me a burned slave.
Chorus 3:
Ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!
Now my tongue’s a relic; oh, the heat’s a beast ya!
Even centuries I’ve lived, wisdom gained on the way,
But never again will this monster lead my taste buds astray.
Coda:
After living for hundreds and hundreds of years,
Who’d think those Italians would bring me to tears?
I’ve feasted on horrors, yet this surprisingly vexes,
Pizza, oh pizza, you’ve taught me life's complexities.
Chords not available
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Broadway song called “I Burned My Mouth on Pizza" - a minor key pop ballad sung by Dracula in the musical DRACULA. The song is a parody power ballad sung seriously. He visits Applebee’s and decides to try pizza for the first time, recounting this horrible tale. The lyrics should have lots of vulgar phrases and swearing. It should have the lines “ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!” and “goddamn the pepperoni” and “I said hold the garlic - I can’t stand that shit” and “the sauce was pure hellfire, like lava in my throat” and “molten cheese” and in coda “After living for hundreds and hundreds of years, Who’d think those Italians would bring me to tears?" Come up with different rhymes every time for “pizza” like “beats ya” and “defeats ya”. The song structure should be: verse 1 (about ordering at Applebee’s as waiter suggested), chorus 1 (about the first bite and pain), verse 2 (about how wonderful and tempting the pizza still looked), chorus 2 (how the pizza hadn’t cooled down and burned again), bridge (about all the things he has eaten), chorus 3 (about how his mouth and tongue are still burned), coda (about the lesson learned never eating it again). Don’t repeat lines. Dracula sings with ancient accent and doesn’t know modern English. The last lines should be super profound on how the experience changed him. The rhyme scheme for the verse should be ABAB. The rhyme scheme for the chorus should be AABB.
Elton John