This parody power ballad captures the hilarious yet tragic tale of Dracula's ill-fated encounter with pizza at Applebee's. In a blend of humor and sorrow, Dracula recounts his fiery experience with molten cheese, pepperoni, and the surprising lesson learned from centuries of existence. Dive into this wickedly funny experience that highlights both the absurdity and pain of trying something new.
Verse 1:
In Applebee’s I glance, oh what a sight so grand,
A waiter hails me forth, with menu in his hand.
"Try the pizza, my lord, it’s really quite a treat,"
I thought, why not give it a shot? A daring feat.
Chorus 1:
Ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!
Oh sweet Jesus, the heat defeats ya!
First bite was glorious, then doom descended,
That pepperoni seared, my fate suspended.
Verse 2:
The cheese, it beckoned me, a golden molten dream,
Tomato sauce so red, a devilish gleam.
"Hold the garlic," I cried, "I can’t stand that shit!"
But oh how it glimmered, I was ready to commit.
Chorus 2:
Ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!
The damn thing’s still molten, it’s such a teaser!
Mistake of the ages, my tongue it now cries,
That sauce was pure hellfire, oh cruel surprise!
Bridge:
I’ve dined on the finest of flesh and of bone,
From lovely maidens to kings on a throne.
But that thin crust betrayal, oh how it did sting,
In a moment of weakness, I was swallowed by the ring.
Chorus 3:
Ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!
My fangs now blistered, my taste buds are in malaise-a!
No more will I wander to that cheesy domain,
I’ll stay in my castle, with a goblet of disdain.
Coda:
After living for hundreds and hundreds of years,
Who’d think those Italians would bring me to tears?
In this ghastly encounter, I’ve learned a great deal,
Sometimes the simplest pleasures can deal a raw deal.
Chords not available
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Broadway song called “I Burned My Mouth on Pizza" - a minor key pop ballad sung by Dracula in the musical DRACULA. The song is a parody power ballad sung seriously. He visits Applebee’s and decides to try pizza for the first time, recounting this horrible tale. The lyrics should have lots of vulgar phrases and swearing. It should have the lines “ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!” and “goddamn the pepperoni” and “I said hold the garlic - I can’t stand that shit” and “the sauce was pure hellfire, like lava in my throat” and “molten cheese” and in coda “After living for hundreds and hundreds of years, Who’d think those Italians would bring me to tears?" Come up with different rhymes every time for “pizza” like “beats ya” and “defeats ya”. The song structure should be: verse 1 (about ordering at Applebee’s as waiter suggested), chorus 1 (about the first bite and pain), verse 2 (about how wonderful and tempting the pizza looked), chorus 2 (how the pizza still hadn’t cooled down and burned again), bridge (about all the things he has eaten), chorus 3 (about how his mouth and tongue are still burned), coda (about the lesson learned never eating it again). Don’t repeat lines. Dracula sings with ancient accent and doesn’t know modern English. The last lines should be super profound on how the experience changed him.
Elton John