A haunting yet humorous pop ballad reflecting Dracula's harrowing experience at Applebee’s, where he ventures into the world of pizza for the first time. With a blend of gothic charm and comedic despair, he recounts the agony of that fateful first bite. This parody power ballad weaves a tale of temptation gone wrong, a vampire's gastronomical misadventure that leaves him contemplating the perils of modern cuisine.
Verse 1:
As I entered the Applebee’s, oh the sights laid out for me,
Waiter approached with a grin, said, "A slice will set you free."
"What’s this crust of wonder?" oh it sparked both fear and glee,
"Bring me a pie, make it sexy, with toppings galore, can’t you see?"
Chorus 1:
Ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!
A hellish bite that just won't cease,
Pain shot through my immortal veins,
Never thought I'd meet this beast,
Goddamn the pepperoni, oh, sweet Jesus,
Why did I not let it cool, my peace?
Verse 2:
Oh, how it glistened on the plate, molten cheese and sauce divine,
The aroma wafting through the air, oh, it beckoned me to dine,
A concoction of desires, I thought my taste buds would shine,
But the moment I descended, I’d fall into a fiery mine.
Chorus 2:
Ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!
Still too hot, made me cringe and moan,
Searing flames on my ancient tongue,
Why did I claim it’d be my throne?
The sauce was pure hellfire, like lava in my throat,
This cursed dish, how could it have won my vote?
Bridge:
I’ve dined on flesh and blood, my daring repertoire is grand,
I’ve sampled goblets filled with wine, and tasted grains of sand.
But never have I faced a foe, that even I can’t withstand,
Not a werewolf’s fang, nor the dawn's cruel hand.
Chorus 3:
Ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!
My mouth’s still aching, my tongue a frail wretch,
I sink into despair, how modern things can harm,
What’s the tug of ancient lore when this is what I fetch?
The molten cheese, it mocked my fate, oh how it did besmirch,
I learned that some things aren't meant to be, let my lesson lurch.
Coda:
After living for hundreds and hundreds of years,
Who’d think those Italians would bring me to tears?
In a world so vast, I learned to respect my plight,
For even a vampire can find his taste buds outrun by spite.
Chords not available
Beat not available
Broadway song called “I Burned My Mouth on Pizza" - a minor key pop ballad sung by Dracula in the musical DRACULA. The song is a parody power ballad sung seriously. He visits Applebee’s and decides to try pizza for the first time, recounting this horrible tale. The lyrics should have lots of vulgar phrases and swearing. It should have the lines “ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!” and “goddamn the pepperoni” and “I said hold the garlic - I can’t stand that shit” and “the sauce was pure hellfire, like lava in my throat” and “molten cheese” and in coda “After living for hundreds and hundreds of years, Who’d think those Italians would bring me to tears?" Come up with different rhymes every time for “pizza” like “beats ya” and “defeats ya”. The song structure should be: verse 1 (about ordering at Applebee’s as waiter suggested), chorus 1 (about the first bite and pain), verse 2 (about how wonderful and tempting the pizza looked), chorus 2 (how the pizza still hadn’t cooled down and burned again), bridge (about all the things he has eaten), chorus 3 (about how his mouth and tongue are still burned), coda (about the lesson learned never eating it again). Don’t repeat lines. Dracula sings with ancient accent and doesn’t know modern English. Don’t reveal till the first chorus that he burned his mouth. The last lines should be super profound on how the experience changed him.
Elton John