A hauntingly humorous power ballad about Dracula's unfortunate encounter with pizza at Applebee's. Sung with deep emotion and unexpected vulgarity, this minor key pop ballad recounts the Prince of Darkness's lament over a food misadventure that transformed his centuries-old palate. Experience the comedic tragedy of his fiery first bite and the absurdity of his culinary lesson.
Verse 1:
I entered Applebee’s with hunger in my heart,
Acre shadows lingerin’, I knew I had to start.
Menacing yet curious, I scanned the menu bright,
Oh, what charms await me on this fateful night?
Chorus 1:
Ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!
Never thought such pain would greet ya.
First bite, oh what a tragedy!
Goddamn the pepperoni, it’s pure agony...
Verse 2:
How glorious and tempting, that crust so golden brown,
Molten cheese a’dreaming, heat rising from the ground.
A classic Margherita, as I lunged with my fangs,
Heart of garlic swirled, yet I felt the fiery pangs.
Chorus 2:
Still too hot, still defeating—
Ooh, I burned my tongue, it’s heat I’m beatin’!
Back for more, what a foolish deed,
I said hold the garlic - I can’t stand that shit!
Bridge:
I’ve feasted on blood from every land,
Had ambrosia, sweet nectar, and crusted lamb.
Yet this simple dish, how it brought me to pain,
I’ve gnawed at grave dirt, still I can’t refrain!
Chorus 3:
Ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!
Every bite feels like a hot visa,
Mouth and tongue, they ache and moan,
Never should’ve touched this damn cheese alone!
Coda:
After living for hundreds and hundreds of years,
Who’d think those Italians would bring me to tears?
This burning lesson learned, oh what a betray,
I’ll stick to my blood—no pizza today!
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Broadway song called “I Burned My Mouth on Pizza" - a minor key pop ballad sung by Dracula in the musical DRACULA. The song is a parody power ballad sung seriously. He visits Applebee’s and decides to try pizza for the first time, recounting this horrible tale. The lyrics should have lots of vulgar phrases and swearing. It should have the lines “ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!” and “goddamn the pepperoni” and “I said hold the garlic - I can’t stand that shit” and “the sauce was pure hellfire, like lava in my throat” and “molten cheese” and in coda “After living for hundreds and hundreds of years, Who’d think those Italians would bring me to tears?" Come up with different rhymes every time for “pizza” like “beats ya” and “defeats ya”. The song structure should be: verse 1 (about ordering at Applebee’s), chorus 1 (about the first bite and pain), verse 2 (about how wonderful and tempting the pizza looked), chorus 2 (how the pizza still hadn’t cooled down and burned again), bridge (about all the things he has eaten), chorus 3 (about how his mouth and tongue are still burned), coda (about the lesson learned never eating it again). Don’t repeat lines. Dracula sings with ancient accent and doesn’t know modern English. Don’t reveal till the first chorus that he burned his mouth. The last lines should be super profound on how the experience changed him.
Elton John