A humorous power ballad sung by Dracula as he recounts a disastrous experience of trying pizza for the first time at Applebee’s. With vivid imagery and a touch of vulgarity, this minor key pop ballad captures the vampire's pain and regret, all while poking fun at the culinary challenges that even an ancient being can face.
Verse 1:
In Applebee’s I sit, full of flair,
A vampire’s night out, with nary a care.
I glance at the menu, what’s this I see?
Spicy meat pie, round and cheesy!
Chorus 1:
I took that first bite, oh what a fate,
Burned my mouth on pizza, it was too damn late.
Ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!
It’s a fierce little bastard, don’t know what hits ya!
Verse 2:
It shimmered with toppings, a glorious sight,
Pepperoni, mozzarella, oh what delight!
The crust looked so crispy, I was drawn in tight,
But the moment I rushed, it just didn’t feel right.
Chorus 2:
The heat didn’t wane, it slapped me anew,
Goddamn the pepperoni, it’s brewing my doom!
I said hold the garlic - I can’t stand that shit,
The sauce was pure hellfire, like lava in my throat it bit!
Bridge:
I’ve eaten the flesh of maidens, fine wine I have sipped,
Chewed on the fangs of my foes, not one finger slipped.
Raw meats of the night, brought joy without measure,
But this cursed round dough has buried all pleasure.
Chorus 3:
Now my tongue is a battlefield, scorched to the core,
Each taste has become such a painful rapport.
Ooh, my damn mouth is still burned,
How could I have known, how the world turned?
Coda:
After living for hundreds and hundreds of years,
Who’d think those Italians would bring me to tears?
From this lesson learned, a wise vampire now be,
Never trust hot pies, they’re a danger to me!
Chords not available
Beat not available
Broadway song called “I Burned My Mouth on Pizza" - a minor key pop ballad sung by Dracula in the musical DRACULA. The song is a parody power ballad sung seriously. He visits Applebee’s and decides to try pizza for the first time, recounting this horrible tale. The lyrics should have lots of vulgar phrases and swearing. It should have the lines “ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!” and “goddamn the pepperoni” and “I said hold the garlic - I can’t stand that shit” and “the sauce was pure hellfire, like lava in my throat” and “molten cheese” and in coda “After living for hundreds and hundreds of years, Who’d think those Italians would bring me to tears?" Come up with different rhymes every time for “pizza” like “beats ya” and “defeats ya”. The song structure should be: verse 1 (about ordering at Applebee’s), chorus 1 (about the first bite and pain), verse 2 (about how wonderful and tempting the pizza looked), chorus 2 (how the pizza still hadn’t cooled down and burned again), bridge (about all the things he has eaten), chorus 3 (about how his mouth and tongue are still burned), coda (about the lesson learned here, never eating it again). Don’t repeat lines. Dracula sings with ancient accent and doesn’t know modern English. Don’t reveal till the first chorus that he burned his mouth. The last lines should be super profound on how the experience changed him.
Elton John