A hauntingly funny parody power ballad sung by Dracula in the musical DRACULA, 'I Burned My Mouth on Pizza' recounts the vampire's harrowing experience of trying pizza for the first time at a modern Applebee's. With a blend of vulgar humor and heartfelt emotion, this minor key pop ballad captures the unexpected pain of culinary adventure, leaving both the audience in stitches and the iconic vampire questioning everything he thought he knew about food.
Verse 1:
I waltzed into Applebee’s, thought I’d give it a go,
The neon lights were flashing, ‘Pizza! Get it to show!’
My fangs clicked with hunger, my belly did plead,
Pondered my options, oh, what a tasteless deed.
Chorus 1:
Ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!
That molten cheese? It surely defeats ya!
What’s the deal, goddamn the pepperoni,
Thought I’d feast, but got caught in the agony!
Verse 2:
Behold that pie! It dazzled like a dream,
A cheesy wonder, oh, it made my heart scream.
Golden crust glistened, a tempting delight,
But little did I know, I’d regret that first bite!
Chorus 2:
Ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!
A furnace of fury, was it worth the tease ya?
I said hold the garlic - I can’t stand that shit,
But that sauce was pure hellfire, like lava in my throat, bit by bit!
Bridge:
I’ve tasted blood so rich, oh, the finest of fare,
Centuries of horrors, not a thing could compare,
From rats to sweet virgins, I’ve savored each kiss,
But this inferno on crust? It’s culinary abyss!
Chorus 3:
Ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!
My tongue's in agony, fiery defeat ya!
The torture it brought me, it still lingers on,
Should’ve stuck to raw life, instead of this con!
Coda:
After living for hundreds and hundreds of years,
Who’d think those Italians would bring me to tears?
The lesson is clear, I’ve sworn off that crap,
This vampire’s forever trapped in a pizza mishap.
Chords not available
Beat not available
Broadway song called “I Burned My Mouth on Pizza" - a minor key pop ballad sung by Dracula in the musical DRACULA. The song is a parody power ballad sung seriously. He visits a modern Applebee’s and decides to try pizza for the first time, recounting this horrible tale. The lyrics should have lots of vulgar phrases and swearing. It should have the lines “ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!” and “goddamn the pepperoni” and “I said hold the garlic - I can’t stand that shit” and “the sauce was pure hellfire, like lava in my throat” and “molten cheese” and in coda “After living for hundreds and hundreds of years, Who’d think those Italians would bring me to tears?" Come up with different rhymes every time for “pizza” like “beats ya” and “defeats ya”. The song structure should be: verse 1 (about ordering at Applebee’s), chorus 1 (about the first bite and pain), verse 2 (about how wonderful and tempting the pizza looked), chorus 2 (how the pizza still hadn’t cooled down and burned again), bridge (about all the things he has eaten), chorus 3 (about how his mouth and tongue are still burned), coda (about the lesson learned here, never eating it again). Don’t repeat lines. Don’t reveal till the first chorus that he burned his mouth. The last lines should be super profound on how the experience changed him.
Elton John