A hilarious power ballad sung by Dracula, recounting his disastrous encounter with pizza at a modern Applebee’s. Filled with humorous vulgarities and outrageous rhymes, this parody showcases the Count's struggle with the unexpected perils of Italian cuisine.
Verse 1:
In the depths of the night, I felt a strange delight,
A craving so strong, I thought I just might,
Step into a place, with neon lights so bright,
An Applebee's wonder, a culinary fight.
Chorus 1:
Ooh! I burned my mouth on pizza!
Who knew this crust could defeat ya?
Goddamn that pepperoni, it ain't no tease-a,
I’m a vampire king, but that slice was a visa!
Verse 2:
I said hold the garlic, I can’t stand that shit,
But the waitress just laughed, said "You’ll deal with it!"
A molten slab showed up, steaming and fit,
With sauce like pure hellfire, oh, what a misfit!
Chorus 2:
Ooh! I burned my mouth on pizza!
A culinary prank designed to defeat ya,
With every sticky bite, I felt it indeed ya,
Screaming at the heavens, saying “This place ain't no peach-a!”
Bridge:
The cheese was molten, like lava in my throat,
Cursing those Italians, I couldn't stay afloat,
Vampire powers can’t save me from this blight,
In this modern tavern, oh, what a fright!
Chorus 3:
Ooh! I burned my mouth on pizza!
My regal tongue now feels much like a heater,
Staring at the plate, it seems to mock and greet ya,
Goddamn the toppings, they just won’t complete ya!
Coda:
After living for hundreds and hundreds of years,
Who’d think those Italians would bring me to tears?
I thought I ruled night, no mortal could best,
Yet here I am, wounded, in this culinary jest!
Chords not available
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Broadway song called “I Burned My Mouth on Pizza" - a ballad sung by Dracula in the musical DRACULA. The song is a parody power ballad sung seriously. He visits a modern Applebee’s and decides to try pizza for the first time, recounting this horrible tale. The lyrics should have lots of vulgar phrases and swearing. It should have the lines “ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!” and “goddamn the pepperoni” and “I said hold the garlic, I can’t stand that shit” and “the sauce was pure hellfire, like lava in my throat” and “molten cheese” and in coda “After living for hundreds and hundreds of years, Who’d think those Italians would bring me to tears?" Come up with hilarious different rhymes every time for “pizza” like “beats ya” and “defeats ya”. The song structure should be: verse 1, chorus 1, verse 2, chorus 2, bridge, chorus 3, coda. Don’t repeat lines.
Elton John