A hilarious power ballad from the musical 'Dracula,' where the infamous vampire shares his comical experience of trying pizza for the first time at a modern Applebee’s, complete with vulgar phrases and unexpected twists.
Verse 1:
In a dim-lit Applebee’s, I took a seat, so fine,
Thought I’d snack on a slice, oh how it would be divine.
But as I bit into that cheesy delight,
I felt a fiery inferno, oh what a fright!
Chorus 1:
Ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!
This crusty experience surely defeats ya,
Goddamn the pepperoni, it’s too damn bold,
I said hold the garlic, I can’t stand that shit, like it’s a curse to behold.
Verse 2:
The sauce was pure hellfire, like lava in my throat,
What were these toppings, a wicked remote?
I pictured all those Italians, plotting my demise,
A vampire brought to tears, oh what a surprise!
Chorus 2:
Ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!
Each slice a cruel prank, oh it beats ya,
Goddamn the pepperoni, I’ll never understand,
Why did I think this cheesy dream would be so grand?
Bridge:
Now garlic sticks in the shadows, waiting to attack,
I tried to drink my blood wine, but it all went slack.
Couldn’t I just have a drink, or a nice bloody case?
Instead I’m left a laughing stock in pizza’s fiery embrace!
Chorus 3:
Ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!
Why do I try these things that defeat ya?
Goddamn the pepperoni and all its wrath,
Next time, I’ll stick to the dark, delicious math.
Coda:
After living for hundreds and hundreds of years,
Who’d think those Italians would bring me to tears?
With a toast to their cuisine, I rue my fate, oh bless,
As a vampire, I truly should’ve known better than this mess!
Chords not available
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Broadway song called “I Burned My Mouth on Pizza" - a ballad sung by Dracula in the musical DRACULA. The song is a parody power ballad sung seriously. He visits a modern Applebee’s and decides to try pizza for the first time. The lyrics should have lots of vulgar phrases and swearing and a joke about Italians getting revenge. It should have the lines “ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!” and “goddamn the pepperoni” and “I said hold the garlic, I can’t stand that shit” and “the sauce was pure hellfire, like lava in my throat” and “molten cheese” and in coda “After living for hundreds and hundreds of years, Who’d think those Italians would bring me to tears?" Come up with hilarious different rhymes every time for “pizza” like “beats ya” and “defeats ya”. The song structure should be: verse 1, chorus 1, verse 2, chorus 2, bridge, chorus 3, coda.
Elton John