A hilariously dark parody power ballad where Dracula wraps his fangs around the modern experience of trying pizza for the first time at an Applebee's. Filled with comedic lines and relatable tragedy, he recounts the physical and emotional pain of discovering that even immortal beings can be bested by a pizza slice. Featuring lines that poke fun at culinary misadventures and playful digs at Italian cuisine, this ballad will have you in stitches from the first verse to the last coda.
Verse 1:
I said hold the garlic, I can’t stand that shit,
The sauce was pure hellfire, like lava in my throat,
I ventured out for pizza, thought I’d give it a hit,
But goddamn the pepperoni, it caught me by the coat.
Chorus 1:
Ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!
This demon dough’s a beast that truly eats ya,
With each fiery bite, it defeats ya,
Why’d I ever think it would be a good meet-ya?
Verse 2:
With mozzarella tempting, I took a big bite,
But scalding in my fangs made me scream in the night,
Elusive was the crust, oh so thin yet so tight,
I thought I was immortal, what a foolish slight.
Chorus 2:
Ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!
Cursed be the chef who dared to greet ya,
Every slice of this hell just retreats ya,
Pasta’s my friend, but this pie’s a mean beat-a!
Bridge:
In a strange world of wicked toppings, I’m trapped,
The basil's like poison, I feel like I’ve snapped,
An ancient vampire, now reduced to a chap,
What a twisted fate, a culinary mishap!
Chorus 3:
Ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!
Topped with my tears, the world can’t treat ya,
I swore I’d seek vengeance, unkind to ye pal,
Then I remembered Italians have a curse, that’s my pal!
Coda:
After living for hundreds and hundreds of years,
Who’d think the vengeful Italians would bring me to tears?
So I’ll haunt this Applebee’s with my unholy sneers,
For the taste of revenge lingers on through the years!
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Broadway song called “I Burned My Mouth on Pizza" - a ballad sung by Dracula in the musical DRACULA. The song is a parody power ballad sung seriously. He visits a modern Applebee’s and decides to try pizza for the first time. The lyrics should have lots of vulgar phrases and swearing and a joke about Italians getting revenge. It should have the lines “ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!” and “goddamn the pepperoni” and in first verse “I said hold the garlic, I can’t stand that shit” and “the sauce was pure hellfire, like lava in my throat” and in coda “After living for hundreds and hundreds of years, Who’d think the vengeful Italians would bring me to tears?"! Come up with hilarious different rhymes every time for “pizza” like “beats ya” and “defeats ya”. The song structure should be: verse 1, chorus 1, verse 2, chorus 2, bridge, chorus 3, coda.
Barbra Streisand