A hilarious ballad performed by Dracula as he recounts his ill-fated attempt to enjoy pizza at a modern Applebee's, filled with vulgar humor and clever wordplay. Join him on this comedic journey as he navigates the trials of modern dining and his passionate love-hate relationship with food.
Verse 1:
I walked into this diner, thought I’d try a slice,
I said, 'Hold the garlic, make it nice!'
A fiend from the shadows, I just want a treat,
But what the hell is this? This crust can’t compete!
Chorus 1:
Ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!
It’s hotter than a furnace, it really beats ya!
Goddamn the pepperoni, it’s a villain, I swear,
It’s a fight with my taste buds, oh, life’s just unfair!
Verse 2:
I took a bite and hissed, it was molten and rough,
This cheesy madness, it’s a bit much, tough!
I thought I’d conquer it, like I do with a neck,
But damn this greasy circle, it’s a real pain in the heck!
Chorus 2:
Ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!
Searing like a vampire who’s been out in the hot breeze-a!
Goddamn the pepperoni, you’re my bitter defeat,
My fangs were no match for this fiery treat!
Bridge:
I’ve sipped from the fountain of blood, I’ve tasted the wine,
But this molten monster, it crossed my dining line!
I’m a lord of the dark, but here I’m just a fool,
Trying to eat this circle of sizzling drool!
Chorus 3:
Ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!
I thought that I could handle its hot, spicy teaser!
Goddamn the pepperoni, must I throw in the towel?
Next time I’ll stick to blood; it’s the vampire's prowl!
Coda:
So here’s to the lesson, take my advice,
Pizza’s great in theory, but I’ve paid the price.
I’ll haunt this Applebee’s, but one thing is clear,
No more pizza, my friends, I’m just sticking to beer!
Chords not available
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Broadway comedy song called “I Burned My Mouth on Pizza" - a funny ballad sung by Dracula in the musical DRACULA. The song is a parody power ballad sung seriously. He visits a modern Applebee’s and decides to try pizza for the first time. The lyrics should have lots of vulgar phrases and swearing. It should have amazing jokes and the lines “ooh, I burned my mouth on pizza!” and “goddamn the pepperoni” and in first verse “I said hold the garlic”! Come up with hilarious different rhymes every time for “pizza” like “beats ya” and “defeats ya”. The song structure should be: verse 1, chorus 1, verse 2, chorus 2, bridge, chorus 3, coda. Never repeat a joke.
Barbra Streisand