"An Apple a Day (WON'T Keep the Doctor Away)" is a hilarious and edgy comedy song performed by Martha Stewart in the outrageous R-rated musical, NOT ANOTHER HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL. This upbeat number takes a humorous jab at life's absurdities, showcasing Martha's fierce determination and quirky antics as she comically recounts her experiences with lawsuits and her attitude towards authority. With catchy rhythms and witty lyrics, this song is sure to leave audiences in stitches while subtly reminding them that taking charge is key. Just don’t expect any traditional apple remedies here!
(Intro Verse)
An apple a day? Ha! What a cliché!
Hell, I’ll sue the whole damn FDA!
When life gives you lemons, you toss them away,
Just like my ex who thought he could stay!
(Chorus 1)
An apple a day won’t keep the doc away,
But give me some money, and I’ll be okay!
I’ll fight every lawsuit, you know that I slay,
With a sharp little tongue and a mean cabernet!
(Verse 1)
I filed that claim when they burnt my soufflé,
Told ‘em in court, "You’re all gonna pay!"
Breaking contracts like it’s part of the play,
No one messes with Martha, no way, José!
(Chorus 2)
An apple a day? Oh honey, please stay!
It’s corporate greed that really ruins my day.
I’ll raise my voice loud, keep the BS at bay,
I’ll bake your ass—don’t put up, just obey!
(Bridge)
Proactive’s my motto, it’s clear as the day,
With meringue on my pie, you’re not here to play.
I’ll whip up a storm and send haters away,
With a spatula and wit, I’ll have my buffet!
(Verse 2)
My staff knows the drill, I can berate with flair,
“Clean that kitchen, you fools! How can you dare?”
I’m fierce like a lion, with vintage up there,
You think I’ll back down? I’m not going anywhere!
(Instrumental Break)
(Upbeat music with jazzy notes and playful piano solos)
(Verse 3)
So grab me a cocktail while I rant and I rave,
Life’s a highwire; I don’t need no knave.
Keep laughing and baking, I ride every wave,
I’ll sue till I win; that’s how I behave!
(Chorus 3)
An apple a day? Nah, just keep the cash flow!
It’s honestly better than that hipster faux show.
From cooking to lawsuits, watch my empire grow,
Martha’s in charge, so just watch me go!
(Coda)
So here’s my decree, take charge like a queen,
With wit that’s sharp and a mean little sheen.
An apple won’t save you, know what I mean?
In life’s crazy kitchen, I’m the ultimate scene!
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Musical theatre Broadway comedy song called “An Apple a Day” (WON’T Keep the Doctor Away) - a funny attitude song in the style of Mary Poppins “Spoonful of Sugar", sung by Martha Stewart in a hilarious R-Rated comedy called NOT ANOTHER HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL. The song is an allegory for being proactive and taking charge via examples in Martha’s life where she took charge by suing companies, breaking contracts, and berating her staff. The lyrics should be shocking and offensive and racist with lots of vulgar phrases and expletives. It is not about real apples. It has lots of internal perfect rhymes and the following song structure: Intro verse, chorus 1, verse 1, chorus 2, bridge, verse 2, instrumental break, verse 3, chorus 3, coda. It should have amazing jokes but make sense.